You know what’s really frustrating?
Getting advice from people who have never dieted a day in their lives.
“I eat whatever I want. All you have to do is run for 10 miles every day.”
“Well, just eat the ice cream if you want the ice cream.”
“I’m gonna get extra cheese on my fries. Oh, my gosh, I’m so fat.”
Shut. Up.
Why are you talking about stuff you don’t know about?
I have been eating a wheat-free and low sugar diet for almost a decade. I started dieting during college and since then have tried a host of stupid diets including but not limited to:
- Extreme Calorie Restriction (Yeah, no, thank you.)
- Intermittent Fasting (Lost muscle, not fat, dammit!)
- The Dukan Diet (Extreme stomach pains every. Single. Night.)
- The Cabbage Soup Diet (Just don’t.)
- The 4-Hour Body (One week of the same three meals and my body weight in beans and I wanted to punch a puppy.)
- The Paleo Diet (Very restrictive, and can be very expensive and my ass ain’t rich.)
- Whole 30 (Very restrictive and yet also easy to screw up even if you stick to it.)
Of those, Paleo was probably the best of them, but only when I was doing it low-carb and without any honey, maple syrup, or Paleo-fied baked goods which… No thanks. I’mma have a donut if I want a donut, so I had better at least be able to make myself something healthier.
So what the hell do I do now?
Well, I do generally agree with not driving yourself crazy over calories, though, as several of these diets also tout. Be careful overall, but watch your macros. Aim for high protein, low carb, and keep your fat intake moderate.
I keep it wheat-free because, as anyone who stopped eating gluten for over a year will tell you, trying to eat a slice of bread when your stomach is no longer used to it is a surefire way to hate your life and every decision that led you to that horrible, horrible moment.
Some people say that fat is essential for fat loss– and it is! But you don’t need to chug coconut oil. Remember, when someone tells you that to get past your plateau you need to eat more fat, you have to shift things around, maybe cut more carbs. You can put a pat of butter in your coffee, but make sure that it’s from grass-fed cows!
The quality of your food matters!
And if you’re like me and you try to be active, that protein is important!
What about working out?
I do weight-lifting twice a week, cardio once (ONCE!), weekly yoga, and maybe a day of calisthenics if I’m feelings ambitious.
Don’t go nuts. Do what you feel comfortable with. Start slow if you have to and feel good that at least you’re up and moving. You’ll feel better and stronger sooner than you think.
HOWEVER!
If you’ve never really hit the gym hard before, if you’re never lifted weights, stay steady and don’t rush yourself. You’re likely to experience what body builders refer to as “Newbie Gains,” meaning that you’re going to build muscle much more quickly at the beginning than you will once you’re a more experienced trainer. Take value in that because eventually you’re gonna hit that slow-down, so take it steady and don’t rush through and injure yourself and end of losing everything you built because you have to rest for two months…
(Excuse me while I sob…)
Slow and steady really does win the race.
I’m here as a person who actually went through it all, and is still working at it, and I’ve made the mistakes so hopefully you don’t have to.
And never, ever, EVER forget to love yourself on the way. You don’t need to lose weight or get swole of change yourself in any way… Unless it’s for medical reasons, in which case you should seek the help of a doctor or registered dietician instead of a blog, bro.
So get out there and hit your goals, whatever they may be, and eat some damned good food on the way!
Freak Eats 